MuskogeePhoenix.com, Muskogee, OK

Letters

January 19, 2013

THE PEOPLE SPEAK —New casket will make rolling over easy

— My nephew Mumford Rumford Dumford stopped by. Home for Christmas, he had just come out to his family. Most assured him they loved and accepted him. He admitted some anxiety about it. I explained that since he had come to terms with his “God-given name,” surely he would learn to appreciate and value his “God-given nature.”

Some were surprised Mumford had what they called “San Francisco values.” Not I, I knew it even when he was a young boy. San Francisco values are not Oklahoma values. Conservative Republicans once used the phrase as a derisive description of gay people and progressive Democrats. They did not care for LGBT people and their quest for equality. You don’t hear that phrase much anymore.

Still, it seems San Francisco values are no longer limited to, well, San Francisco. This past November voters in Maine, Washington, and Maryland voted to extend marriage equality to same sex couples in their states and Minnesotans voted not to write a gay-marriage ban into their state’s constitution. These weddings have begun. To me, that’s progress.

We spoke of how Pat Robertson on his 700 Club TV show reacted when the first same-sex couple wed at the Cadet Chapel at West Point.

Robertson proclaimed that three historic generals must be “rolling over” in their graves upon hearing the news that West Point hosted its first same-sex wedding. “General Douglas MacArthur, rolling over in his grave. Ulysses S. Grant, rolling over in his. Robert E. Lee, rolling over in his.” There was no word on how Eisenhower, also a West Pointe graduate took the news. I would imagine the mere thought of an African-American commander-in-chief was enough to see Lee spinning.

Mumford and I are working on an invention, the perpetual rotating casket. Solar powered, it will be sort of like a rotisserie, and will move the casket one complete revolution every 24 hours. Maybe we can get it on the market before Robertson passes. It would make “rolling over” once deceased much easier.

MIKE DUMFORD

Stigler

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