MuskogeePhoenix.com, Muskogee, OK

February 27, 2013

THE PEOPLE SPEAK – New pope should seek Keating’s help


— A purple cow is a nonconformist who thinks outside the box. That is why a purple cow should succeed the resigned Pope Benedict XVI. This new head of the Catholic Church will have absolute power to declare church doctrine and infallibility.

He should use the power to permit priests, gay or straight, to marry. The source of pedophilia in the church’s clergy is requiring priests to take a vow to never marry. Celibacy is an unnatural state that leads to priests engaging in homosexual acts.

Problem number two for the Pope will be to decide whether to continue treating nuns like downstairs maids instead of giving them priestly standing “in the person of Christ” like Mary Magdalene. In the 21st century, most of us girls no longer subscribe to being subservient to men and treating them like generals and we be the privates.

We don’t deserve to have second-class Christian status just because we were not at the Last Supper. Unless the church starts to ordain women as priests so we can give religious teaching, most of our sisters will not choose to become little Mother Teresas.

I suggest the first order of business for the new Pope should be to summon Frank Keating, a former Oklahoma governor, to Rome. Keating, who headed a lay panel investigating the church’s child abuse scandal, told how the cow ate the cabbage. “I certainly have concluded that a number of serious officials in my faith have very clay feet. To act like La Cosa Nostra and hide the suppress is very unhealthy.”

VIRGINIA “BLUE JEANS” JENNER

Wagoner