Cherokee Nation program strives to promote positive fatherhood

January 17, 2008 11:51 pm

—

Fatherhood is changing.
Health care professionals say the old image of the father as a person to be feared is giving way to an image of the father as a positive influence who makes children strong by demonstrating love.
The Cherokee Nation is trying to raise awareness with the “Kards for Kids” project run by the Indian Child Welfare staff. The note cards have images of positive parenting and are sold to benefit children in foster care.
Cherokee artist Verna Bates of Locust Grove allowed one of her works to be used on the cards. The image is named “Making Small Talk” and features a father holding his child.
“So many times, we see paintings, pictures and statues depicting mothers holding their babies, but rarely do we see the fathers represented in this same manner,” Bates said. “In this painting, it appears that the man is snuggling the child while whispering something special, and the child is almost holding his breath trying to hear each word.
“My own two sons are my total inspiration for ‘Making Small Talk’ as it specifically applauds them and all fathers who hug, snuggle, cherish, and whisper while making small talk.”
Social workers say that, in a society where change is rapid, it may be more important than ever for fathers to provide their children with interpersonal skills and confidence.
Keith Dillard is glad to be a father who takes an active caretaking role.
“Being a parent is the toughest job in the world,” he said. “But, our children are our future. I feel obligated to do the best I can.”
Keith and Lori Dillard, both in their 40s, have two teenage sons. Dillard said his ideas about how to father were mostly formed by his own parents.
“I’m a Christian, and Christ talks about ‘Bring your children up in the way they should go and they will not depart from that path,’” he said. “That’s what I got from my parents.”
Dillard also believes there is value in family counseling and scientific study of successful parenting.
“The research and the studies are a good thing,” he said “It shows us as parents areas where maybe we can learn and improve.”
Being engaged in the daily lives of his children is one of the most important things Dillard said he does.
“My wife and I are very involved with their activities and their sports,” he said. “That sets an example, so they can pass that on.”
Just being available to listen to his sons’ problems is a simple, but crucial practice.
“Sometimes you don’t even have to answer; just listening shows them that you care,” Dillard said. “That goes back to Christ, but you have to do it by setting an example.”
Although being a father can mean hard work and sacrifices, Dillard said he has been rewarded.
“To have your child come up and ask you, ‘Dad, I need help with this problem,’” he said. “To see your child become an asset in society, to see your child show compassion, to see your child be a giver, to see your child be an encourager.
“Lori and I are proud to be told our sons have been seen helping someone in without being told to. Just to watch them grow is a tremendous reward.”
Dr. Lana McClain, a prevention manager for the Cherokee Nation’s Families First program, said there is an ongoing societal change away from the idea that a father’s role is restricted to earning money and being the disciplinarian.
“More men are involved in an active role in the care of children,” she said. “It’s critical that children have a good relationship with both parents. It’s the father who influences self-esteem, academic performance and healthy development of sex roles for sons and daughters. That’s what the research shows.”
Families First visits families with problems and teaches parents ways to have a better relationship with their children.
“The father can be involved not only in discipline, but also in play and teaching,” she said. “If the child is very young, the father can help by bathing the child, reading to them, or showing them how to count their fingers and toes. It’s called ‘parental warmth.’ It means hugging, kissing, and telling your kids you love them.”
McClain said parents who acquire these relationship skills enjoy more bonding.
“Awareness breeds understanding and unity, and promotes strong family ties whether the father is married to the mother or not,” she said.

Helping children
Kards for Kids is a packet featuring images of fathers nurturing their children. A set of five cards costs $10. All proceeds will benefit Cherokee children who are in the care of the Cherokee Nation Foster Care Program because of circumstances such as abuse, neglect or abandonment.
Information: Contact Ellen Guttillo at ellen-guttillo@cherokee.org or 696-7603, Ext. 31.

Copyright © 1999-2008 cnhi, inc.